Relief?

I’m not sure where the hangup was, but it took me A LONG time to hear back from the docs in SLC about what to do.  It took several calls from me and the pediatrician’s office but I finally did get through to Dr Bruggers to get an answer.  She was able to confirm that there were no stones, cysts or tumors visible on the ultrasound and with Annabelle’s labs dropping back near normal levels the plan at this point is to just wait.  If she starts having symptoms we will obviously reevaluate but for now we’re planning to repeat the ultrasound in a couple of months to check for any changes.  I’m relieved that they don’t think there is any reason for much concern at this point but it sure caused me a lot of stress last week!  I really didn't think it would bother me that much but I spent the week attached to my phone in fear of missing a return call.  We don’t get very good reception in our basement so I hated to go down there and miss a call.  Ridiculous, I know, but my fear got the best of me and the longer I had to wait the worse it got.  Being a cancer mom can sometimes turn you into a bit of a freak.  Sad, but true.

In other news with Annabelle, she’s had the cough that’s been going around and seems to linger forever.  She’s constantly trying to clear her throat and it’s driving Josh nuts.  She lays in bed at night repeatedly making “the noise” until she falls asleep and then resumes as soon as she awakes.  Bless her wonderful teacher who has to listen to it all day at school!  This cold came after 2 back to back infections and now it appears she has another which she will be seeing the Dr for tomorrow.  Also, I hate to believe it, but her lumps are getting bigger and the one above her eyebrow is now tender to the touch.  I’m hoping they will remove them soon and we won’t have to worry about them anymore.  Last night when Annabelle was bending over backwards I saw something on her hip.  When I got closer it appeared to be another “lump”.  It was somewhat red and looked more like a bug bite but feels more like her other lumps.  I put some cortisone cream on it before bed and this morning it was still there.  So I guess it’s either a bite of some sort and will soon go away, or it’s another lump and because of its location is being irritated by her clothing and turning red.

I know it sounds so extreme but we have to check everything with Annabelle just to be safe.  I am so tired of feeling like everything is so dramatic.  I just want to be done with all the drama.  It’s exhausting and frustrating.  I was talking with a friend today and saying how I just want that peace and ease of mind I had when Annabelle was in treatment.  It actually was easier then because I was being carried and comforted by so many people and prayers and now I have to be a big girl and do it on my own.  I know I’m not really alone and my Father in Heaven will not leave me that way but it’s just a different feeling for me than it was during the actual treatment process.  I look forward to the day when my mother heart can relax and not stress so much, but does that day ever really come for a mom??