Thoughts

     As Easter is drawing near, it brings with it a flood of memories, thoughts and emotions of the past few Easters.  2 years ago Annabelle missed the Easter egg hunt in Drummond because she was in the hospital having an MRI.  The MRI that revealed the tumor in her neck.  The MRI that changed our lives forever.  She was so heartbroken that she was missing the egg hunt festivities, but yet in too much pain to have enjoyed them anyway.  Last year we were in Utah and I took my girls to the Elwood egg hunt alone.  It was fine, but it just wasn’t home.  Unless you’ve been part of a community like Drummond, it’s hard to explain.  Needless to say, we’re excited about being home for Easter this year.  I’m hoping and praying that nothing gets in the way of Annabelle and that egg hunt!  She’s one excited girl! 

     And now to pick up where I left off last post…the bump we found on Annabelle’s hip was NOT a bite, but another mysterious lump.  Two different doctors saw it but yet we still have no answers.  They’ve been observing and measuring, as best as possible, to track their growth, or lack of, but they’re quite difficult to get an accurate reading of.  They’re just weird! There’s no other way to describe them than just plain weird.  Days after Annabelle’s last appointment for measuring the lumps, we found another.  This 4^th one is on her back.  So after lots of calls between nurses, doctors, and the oncology clinic in SLC, Annabelle has an appointment this coming Tuesday to see a dermatologist physician’s assistant in Missoula.  I was under the impression that they will be biopsying the lumps but now I’m not sure.  I spoke with the dermatologist’s nurse and she said it will depend on what they suspect them to be and how comfortable the PA is.  There is a chance that she will need to have one of the actual dermatologists do it or even a plastic surgeon, but this is a good start.  The PA was the first person that we could get into so we’ll start there.  Annabelle isn’t too worked up about the whole deal.  She jokes around about maybe having to do surgery like most kids joke about…well, I don’t know what most kids joke about, this is all I know, but she’s pretty chill about it all.

     My biggest fear about the appointment is the location.  It is across town from where most of Annabelle’s appointments are and it’s on the campus of the hospital my dad was treated at.  I haven’t been back to there since my dad left.  In fact I avoid that exit off the interstate whenever possible.  I’ve only taken it once since my dad passed and that’s because I forced myself to do it.  It would often be faster to go that way but I hate to drive past that hospital.  It’s bad enough that I can see it from the interstate and see the window of the room my dad was in last.  It’s a great facility but I’m just not ready to face it yet.  However, I now have to.  If I can hold myself together I might just stop in the little coffee/snack shop and get an Italian soda like I did so often for dad.  I miss my daddy.

     

     Besides everything going on with Annabelle’s lumps, she hasn’t been herself and had several weeks of emotional struggles as well.  I requested she have labs drawn and sure enough her thyroid hormones were out of whack again.  Stupid radiation treatment and its side effects.  Can you tell I’m mad!?!  I can’t tell where I’m at in the process of dealing with all this trauma, I think it depends on the day, but clearly I’m not over it.  I’m hoping that within the next couple of weeks Annabelle will be feeling and acting like herself again and that the thyroid issue was all it was.

     And now for a little update on sweet miss Layla.  Heavenly Father clearly knew that I was struggling and had too much other stuff to deal with so he blessed me with Layla being so sweet and so hilarious lately.  She has seriously been saying the funniest, cutest, most off the wall things.  Here’s a few examples:

“Mom, these stairs are dirty!  Grandma and Grandpa at my crib house (that’s what she calls the Yates grandparents house in Utah) have clean stairs…and they’re fluffy!  You can slide OR walk down them.”

While saying the blessing at lunch one day, “Please bless mom not to scream…”

And for my favorite…

Layla -“I love you mommy.  I love you more than Annabelle.”

Annabelle – “No, I love you more mom”

Me – “I bet you girls both love me the same, but not as much as I love you!”

Layla – “No, I love you more more more!”