Update

I have been wanting to update the blog for a while now, but I just haven't wanted to take the time to do it.  We've had a lot of sick days around here, a lot of soul searching, thinking days for me, and I wasn't exactly sure how to express my feelings without people feeling sorry for me, or rolling their eyes, or thinking I'm a crazy depressed nut.  It seems that the last couple of months have been filled with cancer friends relapsing and several passing away.  It's just a reality of the cancer mom world I live in.  A world I'd sometimes like to forget exists.

Today my post is not what I was hoping to share, but I figured I'd better post here to get the facts out.  I'm afraid word would start to spread and rumors would fly and things might get confused or blown out of proportion.  So here it is.

A few weeks ago I noticed a "bump" on Annabelle's forehead.  It felt like a bb underneath the skin, and about that size.  I was checking on it everyday to see if it was getting smaller or bigger or changing at all and one day Annabelle said to me "Oh, so it's kind of like this one up here?" as she pointed to a different spot on her head.  I was surprised, but sure enough, just beyond her hairline there was a much larger "bump"!  You don't see it unless you part her hair and you're looking for it, but it is definitely there!  I thought maybe she bumped her head or got bitten by something and figured it would go away.  When it was still there a couple weeks later, my mom found out and begged me to call her Dr.  She saw her pediatrician on Monday, and Dr. Hall said she didn't know what it was.  She thought we should have it biopsied but wanted to call Annabelle's oncologist and see what they recommended.  Of course, Monday was a holiday, so the clinic in SLC was closed but Dr Hall told us she'd talk with Dr Bruggers on Tuesday and let us know what the plan was.  In the meantime, they drew some labs and we headed home.  On the drive home Dr Hall called with the lab results.  Annabelle's white blood count and ANC are low.  Not extremely low, but still low and lower than she normally runs.  Of course this was of concern to her.  After talking with Dr Bruggers she called me yesterday (Tuesday) and said they wanted to see her in SLC and do all of her scans while we're there.  So, we're off to Utah next week and hoping this is nothing serious.  Annabelle will have scans on Tuesday the 29th and then see Dr Bruggers on Wednesday.  The best case scenario is that the mysterious bump is identified as something benign and it either goes away on its own or is easily removed and that her blood counts return to normal on their own.  Worst case scenario is that this is a relapse or secondary cancer and we're back in fighting mode.  It's hard for me to fathom that this could be cancer again, but that's the problem, you never know how it is going to start again.  If she had a tumor bulging from her neck with extreme pain like she had before, that would be more understandable.  But cancer doesn't follow any rules and is so unpredictable.  It's just awful.  I hate cancer so much!

With all the sadness and worry, there is so much good going on in our lives right now.  We moved into a different house in November after fixing it up and we absolutely love it.  Lots of space with a basement still waiting to be finished.  I'm loving all the projects and room to decorate.  Layla is my little helper and she still melts my heart each and every day.  She's always up for a good snuggle and never runs out of kisses for me!  Annabelle is absolutely loving school.  She wishes she could sleep at the school and never come home!  I'm amazed at how much she is learning and how grown up she's getting.  Josh has been busy with work, which is always good, and enjoying hunting.  He shot a deer in rifle season and then a late season cow elk this past weekend.  He's also been out duck hunting and enjoying the great outdoors.

Please join us in praying that this turns out to be a minor scare and that Annabelle remains cancer free and can return to her happy little life as normal.  I don't think my heart could take another break.  It would just be too much.